the wonderful kids

i have been anxiously waiting to write this post for months now!

it is my huge pleasure to introduce to you all, the wonderful kids with etfl! for the past while, i have been working with a team of incredible volunteers to bring in this new group of liberian children into the etfl family.

http://eattofeedliberians.com/wonderful_kids.html

they are a group of kids affected and infected by hiv/aids. since 2007, two very good liberian friends have been working to support these children through micro businesses and spare change. these kids lacked the necessary nutritional, medical and emotional support needed for children living in the shadow of a difficult illness that is heavily stigmatized in buduburam. they worked their hardest to provide for them but at times, the resources just simply are not there.

this year, etfl realized that they were in a spot where they could commit to these kids and women with financial support. a few volunteers headed over this summer to help develop this program and a lot of stress and hard work later, we're off! it is exciting, challenging, nerve wracking and bitter sweet.

when starting this program, we had hoped to be able to put the hiv+ kids on ARVs. we thought there were only a couple of them and that we would be able to match them with locals who could ensure adherence and internationals who could provide financial support. it is so so so so so important that once kids get on arvs, they do not stop. if they stop, the medications are not only ineffective but the kids can build up a resistance to them.

mid summer, i got a phone call from one of the volunteers in camp letting me know that they had finished testing the kids and that the majority of them were positive. it was too many kids to be able to manage. while we could probably get the financial support, administration and supervision is so far beyond our capacity and the capacities of the women in ghana who care for them. with a group that has such a flexible future, putting the kids on medications without knowing where they will be in a few months, how serious their parents are and so many other things could make it worse more than better.

i struggled with this decision, but not nearly as much as the volunteers in ghana did... and probably still are. i wish i could be in so many places at once.

at the end of the day though, i think we have made the responsible choice. it is so important not to overstretch yourself in this situation, and to promise only what you know you can deliver. we will now devote so much time to finding organizations who have the capacities and resources that we do not, to hopefully care for as many of these kids as possible.

i hate that this job has me make these decisions between impossible A and impossible B. i mean, i love it, but howwww is that a discussion that even has to happen. it makes me particularly sick that i had to think about that decision while sitting in cottage country with friends and beer, a trip to central america on the horizon and - relatively speaking - all the opportunity in the world.

ARG.

prime real estate

today (and tomorrow), i have the best office in the world... or at least, its up there. my office in san jose closed for the rest of the week and, realizing how much i'd be wasting my time in an apparently fantastic country, i decided to relocate to the west coast for a few days. with wifi and my laptop, i'm pretty portable.

so. i'm in manuel antonio. its touristy but, you can see why. its where jungle meets beach over giant cliffs. who wouldn't want to come? who wouldn't want to develop fabulous real estate that i want to buy? who wouldn't want to tempt me with fantastic hotels that jet out openly over cliffs? san jose and kitchener will be tough after this. people at the hostel keep saying how crappy it is that i have to be tied to my laptop here but, not so bad. at this point, i'm feeling somewhat at capacity for tourist activities. i'm pretty thrilled if i can have really good espresso.

last week was when i realized how down i'd let myself get in san jose. working 9-5 was good, but not exciting. missing home and friends, i found myself with a pre-bisco style countdown to sept 30th... dumb. a month is no time and i'm going to be tied to all of that forever. so, i headed off to a volcano.

volcano was pretty but, lacked lava. well, apparently we saw lava but honestly, more like a rock slide. i guess at night it is more impressive but of course, we only saw fireflies by the hundred (arguably prettier than red hot lava... but not as impressive to talk about). met an australian guy who was hitting a similar point of being tired of traveling. not an easy thing to own up to when its been such a huge and defining point of your life but... it was good to talk about. and gave me that final gust to really take advantage of my last little while. so, i went and belayed myself down some waterfalls before my busride back to the city. it is about as beautiful as you could dream belaying down tropical wateralls could be. pictures with a crappy waterproof camera don't come close to capturing it. sad.

wouldn't you know it that the australian guy saw real lava the night i left.

went reluctantly back to san jose and my host-mom's strange dependency on hotdogs and bologna in meals for two days... work still good, and is getting hectic. with such little time left i'm feeling a bit pressed and seem to be working stupidly long hours to make the most of it all. it will be nice to have this project wrapped up so i can turn my head to new ones.

anyway. on tuesday as i frantically typed and multitasked with facebook chat, skype, and 5 billion word and outlook documents, evelyn mentioned that we'd be closed. one more thing to think about. the beach, recommended by other travelers, was an obvious choice. today was just as productive but i managed to get in a walk through the jungle and a (delicious) local espresso. and a few bags of coffee to bring home.

this weekend... apparently its whale season so i'll try to see some of those. or maybe just sprawling on the beach trying to get a final bit of sun before a long canadian winter. oh the choices.

two weeks til home (i have a less aggressive countdown still going...). i wonder if my sheets at home will smell as aggressively of bounce sheets as my ones at this hostel do. if this place has bedbugs they've certainly fooled me with super potent cleaning products. and i'm spreading all my too-traveled clothes out on them so that they smell as nice too.

subwaycostarica.com

i have been meaning to write this post for a week now. my second SOS outreach trip wrapped up last weekend and ive spent the past week working in san jose at our costa rican partner's office (reto juvenil internacional). its felt a lot like how i remember coming off canoe trip did... so many things you want to do but somehow its been a week and ive only just now made my way down to subway (to find they offer avocados as a sandwich topping!!!). that is to say nothing of the more productive things on my to do list. anyway. hopefully with a few more cups of folgers coffee (a crime that a costa rican house has folgers coffee, i know), that pattern will change.

but. backtrack to namaldi, costa rica. after leaving the laurier sos nicaragua trip, i made my way down to costa rica (while watching porn on a very public bus. google benny benassi's unedited satisfaction and picture watching that on an 8 hour greyhound trip). i was met at the bus by padre fabio who goes down in the books as one of the strangest characters ive ever met. while my drive from san jose to namaldi with could probably get an entire blog, it was a lot like taking a namibian train. a 200km drive took us 6 hours. luckily, its well documented because we stopped the car at every opportunity for a picture ever. even better was that since we took the back roads rather than the straight highway, we had a lot of awkward stand alone photo ops. we did make it eventually though, and i certainly know costa rica, including its agricultural university, better because of it. every cloud?

finally reached namaldi to find an entirely different trip than the one i left in nicaragua. this trip - an open trip - was subscribed to by a big range of people with some connection or support for sos, plus greg. the community itself had a lot more going on as well... including a bar with an alleged swimming pool, that was never actually full, running water and, if you could hold it, a flush toilet. a few nights before i got there the group and the community had also held a bingo fundraiser that lasted 6 hours in a packed classroom to fundraise for the school. oh and, apparently some chinese church donated a kareoke machine? ohhhhh foreign aid.

my gut reactions to this community were a good reminder of how desensitized i think i've come to "this part" of the world. also a reminder of how i set priorities and define 'poverty'... and, upon further thought... how wrong i can be. reminded me a lot of my initial reaction to people having cell phones and how i immediately thought, oh. you're fine. tvs now illicit that same reaction, and i'm not sure its fair. there are a lot of tvs in this country. i think it might be a sign of value more than wealth...

but tvs aside, this community, the school in particular, is a blend of indigenous and non-indigenous populations. the school offers a bilingual education so it means that kids from surrounding communities walk really far to take advantage. apparently the government formed curriculum does an alright job of preserving indigenous culture while embracing modernity (... english). id be curious to see what that blend looks like. after two years in buduburam, where government doesn't exist, its a funny transition/lesson in social services. its nice working where teachers are standardized and paid by the government. and where if you have a dining centre, you get government funds to sustain it. and more buildings can mean more grants.

where i have questions is around the transition from us to government. does this mean that once x amount of projects are built, projects that the government hasn't got the capacity to do, we're done and its the community/governments responsibility? it feels too tidy to be true. has my degree and time in ghana made me too paranoid to believe in something simple? what about what gets taught? how it gets taught? who teaches it? why they teach it? what materials are used? don't people want my (completely) unqualified and idealistic opinion on those things? doesn't every one want to sit and circles and discuss? i feel like ive been taught to micromanage and, in thinking about it, it makes such little sense. is building the schools and leaving the blend between local and international collaboration? i have anxiety just thinking about that.

why hasn't someone written a manual. shame a manual could never exist.

while im in san jose, im working with reto to figure out what a long term commitment looks like. to them, they see it as working with a bunch of different but connected communities to build up education in the region. the indigenous population in this area is huge, and lacks access to education. most kids won't attend because it could mean up to 3 hours of walking, one way... river crossings not included. plus, this area sees a seasonal migration of workers across the panama border. build up services too much on one side, and everyone floods over/doesn't leave. thus, our project in silico creek, panama with mcgill in august. as i sat in the office looking at what different indigenous communities had, and where projects could go, i felt a lot like i was playing a version of risk or monopoly.

anyway. as i reread this i feel like i sound to skeptical about the work i/we do. to be clear... i do. a lot. as much as any jaded skeptic can. what i love most is that in the communities we work with with reto, the teaching foundations are there first. the communities have government-certified teachers who move from urban areas to help with these kids. they're teaching outside, in chicken coops, or wherever. they've shown that the infrastructure isn't the most important part but of course, a roof and blackboard always helps... not just logistically but for building a sense of pride and respect for the emerging education system.

greg and i did a bunch of interviews for this informational outreach video that we're building for SOS and i got the chance to sit down with one of the teachers (for too short a time... damn reoccurring theme in my life) and talk about why he travels so far from his home and comforts to teach in some pretty difficult conditions. his answers (you'll have to watch the video!) and other comments while making that video keep me inspired to do this work.

its just that this month in san jose i'm picking apart each community, what we've done there, why, how it could continue, and what could be next. i'm also navigating some particularly tricky buduburam mazes which as some friends, family and spanish teachers will know, keep me perpetually on the edge of nervous breakdowns. all of this completely chips away at my confidence in asking the 'right' questions, making the 'right' decisions and starting the 'right' paths. as someone who loves shades of grey and veers away from right or wrong questions, decisions and paths, this is a very... intimidating? exciting? nerve racking? challenging? so many adjectives.... environment to be in.

but. its a fun one. and its one that pushes me to learn more (including spanish), talk more, explore more and all those other things. with a sister starting university, a dog turning one and friends having ridiculous bar nights at home, it gets really annoying to be constantly away. its pretty excellent that i can be excited about monday morning and work starting up for the week again. lame? workaholic?

i don't feel like i ever paint a very good picture of what i'm actually doing here. so.. to quickly sum up. i'm in san jose until the end of september, learning about reto, partner communities, and learning about the central american university atmosphere. im also going to visit a few of the communities we have/might work in over the next while which i'm really excited for. and then, come sept 30, its back to canada for me. for real this time. holy smokes. SOS is working to get a big blog thing going and i'll be writing there as well... probably more tied to what i'm doing, than the random thoughts that pass through my head.

oh and. this is my 100th blog post. do bloggers get a present for that?

and. happy birthday mom. outlook just notified me that i was 15 minutes overdue in that task.