adios africa

i've wound up back in joburg for a few hours today before i fly (back up the continent) to senegal and over to canada. i'm hoping that i can somehow process the past 2 weeks and the next 2 months while i'm here, and take a bath.

i don't really know where to begin with buduburam. UNHCR has recently launched another resettlement/repatriation push that has created an environment very similar to when i got there the first time in 2008. nobody really knows what the future has in store, and everyone is hoping to leave. the usual feelings of limbo seem intensified and i exist somewhere within it all, trying to think in my long term that exists independent of liberia.

the feeding program continues to move along, and i move along in a roller coaster like way with it. much of the 2 weeks was spent alternating between being incredibly proud about what we've accomplished and are able to provide, and being incredibly frustrated that i haven't been able to do or see more. half the time i think that providing these staples is the best that i can do given that i am not part of the community and that i cannot create structural change on my own... other half, i wonder why i perpetuate ideas about foreigners coming in and giving out food and making themselves feel good (and terrible), and whether just giving out food makes any difference at all in the bigger picture. of course at the end of the day, the individual stories from families that struggle to eat each day remind me that of course its relevant and important... but, the roller coaster ride continues.

the school that the program operates out of continues to need love. the 8 months that the teachers were not paid for (before ETFL began paying them) made some pretty serious dents on the quality of education provided. i hoped that salaries would start to make small improvements, and i think they have, but there is a long road ahead. many teachers left and the new ones that replaced them are committed but under qualified. so. changing that is a new priority that i think the group of international volunteers are going to try to work with to the best of their abilities. i think the plan is to start by getting the basics into the school, namely the updated ghanaian curriculum. and paper. and anything to hang in the classrooms so they're not so bare (no kindergarten class should be without colour). then, provided a real effort comes from the teachers to show that they are committed to improvement, we begin exploring teacher training seminars from both within liberian, ghanaian and maybe international communities. its frustrating again because everyone is in such limbo and expects to leave but, based on how this panned out in 2008, i think we've still got a lot of time ahead of us in buduburam... i'll probably hang on until the bitter end.

i also spent a lot of time working with international volunteers keen to help etfl set up its second feeding program for a small group of kids. basically, 2 friends in camp have been supporting a group of 37 kids affected by HIV for the past 2 years. while its incredibly fortunate that the majority of them are not positive, the status of their parents makes for some pretty enormous hurdles in their lives. the 2 liberian friends have been caring for these kids with whatever money they can collect, and not only provide them with food but a social support system as well. we're still flushing out details so, more to come on this later. its very exciting though!

what else from ghana. lot of old friends still around, but slightly more grown up and full of relatively positive news. of course "its not easy" on camp and its always going to be hard to have days full of stories that leave me wondering how anything makes sense. as a devs student with post-modern thinking engrained in me, i've always tried to look at the camp as a part of the world where things are different, not weird. but honestly. life is quite simply messed up, and is maybe more confusing each time i enter that picture. its not a criticism of the people, beliefs, cultures or what have you, its quite simply that protracted refugee situations seem to be one of the most twisted and incomprehensible things ive managed to come across in my limited experience. an international volunteer who had traveled a lot in central america said that i might be disappointed (not the right word.. but i can't think of the appropriate one) there because while people are dealt pretty shitty hands, its nothing on this. i guess we'll see soon enough.

this month is my 12th month in 'africa'. does that make it an appropriate time to leave the continent for a while? either way. its back to canada tonight and then on to more adventures in central america for august/september. hooo-rah.

...ghana

its nice to have 'lindsay in ghana' as relevant again.

i made it back... finally. with more hatred for ghana immigration than ever before. but, more excitement and love for buduburam as well so, it balances out?

things are hectic and i don't think ive processed anything. so, here's a jumbled list of my thoughts about being back.

- being here makes sense. and feels really comfortable.

- i run a lot. and sweat a lot. and joburg is really cold. i feel like i'm this grimy and frantic whirlwind going around the camp while people tell me how cold it is.

- 1.5 weeks is no time at all. and i wish i was moving back here for longer

- it is really strange being here with other volunteers and i surprisingly miss being here alone. i really miss living on my own and having my own house rules.

- i really love watching other volunteers learn and explore (lame as that sounds). although i wish i could give them the coles notes to what i think of the place without influencing how they see it.

- prosper and eduardo are nutters in the same class at school. their teacher must hate them and their lives. they're really smart though and have even more rhymes to sing off to me.

- more old friends have come back to camp from liberia... which is excellent for me... unnerving for them and their country.

- there are a lot of babies that were born since i left 6 months ago, and i didn't know any of the women were pregnant. one named their kid lindsay. not sure how to handle it...

- i have a job coming up that i have to prep for and balance with this life that has immediately felt like i never left.

- the black stars made their return to accra today while i was celebrating the return of my passport with a ghana visa over a 2for1 pizza with AB. it was a less than enthusiastic return. i don't think everyone's hearts have mended from that defeat (actually).

- 'yeys' 'ohs' and 'aaaalriggh' are still in full force. and so are some excellent sense of humours and ways of stringing words together.

- i don't think i've slept in a long time. maybe thats why i can't figure anything out and feel like that even though i couldn't have more to talk about and more to be excited about, i can just barely get a blog post together.

better blog next time. whenever next time is. so much to do. so many people to see. so much spice that needs to be put in my body. and right now, so many buckets of cold water that need to be dumped on me.

oh and. the feeding program and hope foundation are doing really really well. i couldn't be more proud of what everyone has accomplished. time to grow?

hooray!