check.

in fitting with the theme of this trip, i botched my last flight booking and had to leave from the camp early to try to get to cairo in time. i have ruled becoming a travel agent off my list of possible career paths.

i had a rushed goodbye ceremony with everyone i could get a hold of. i missed too many people and didnt say or do half of the things i wanted to. guess im coming back.

of course, i didn't fly out this morning.. why would i? and now im in accra for 3 days waiting for my flight (direct!) to jfk on friday. after going through all the goodbyes it seems weird to show up for a few more days. and i think it will make leaving harder. i came to terms yesterday with leaving and maybe some decompression in accra will be good. i did sleep all day today... seems im a bit burned out.

whenever people ask what its like to be the only volunteer in teh camp, the best description i can give is big highs and big lows. you don't have that neutralizing/normalizing presence that other internationals bring. i didn't realize last year what a big part of my experience that was.

its obviously more stressful. there are just as many people looking at only you to fix their problems. worse, it tends to be a group that, after a couple hundred volunteers, has become rather dependent/expectant on our hand outs. me saying no doesnt go over well... but i think that a few months of seeing how the cycle works, and what the effects on those people are a year later, i was maybe (hopefully) a bit wiser. the whole thing certainly makes you question the presence of whites in the camp though. and makes you wonder what it would look like without us.

i hope though, that ive had an overall positive impact on the place. i hope that the 'ripple' effect is a bit more positive this time around. ive tried to obsess over sustainability and honesty as much as possible. too many liberians would tell me that 'those white people can lie oh!'. i probably crossed the line into bluntness a few too many times.

the feeding program will always be dependent on us, and it will inevitably promote the idea of 'white lady handouts'. im not entirely comfortable with the idea but that one meal seems to considerably lessen pressures on parents at home.. and gets the kids good and pumped. the number of kids that would come up to me saying 'we will eat beans tomorrow!' helped me to get over a maybe overly academic criticism of this program. time will tell though.

the purse project (new reusable shopping/wine bags are coming) will hopefully compensate or at least contrast the feeding program.

i wish it didn't all feel so experimental...

overall, its been a good run. ive worn myself out to the point that i think im ready to come home... for a little while. im already dreaming up how to make a trip back here work. anybody want to come? you can arrange your own flights.

now. off to my hotel that seems to be infested with unattractive white men and their knock out ghanaian girls. oh the joys of a big city and a world full of sex tourists. fitting place to spend world AIDS day. inappropriate?