rocks.

i can now confirm that there are many rocks in the community of san marcos, nicaragua. i feel as thought i have seen, hit and ate a lot of them. there are also a few that will stay with me probably for awhile, since they're permanently lodged in my skin.

i'm back in a city (granada... the spanish colonialist turned tourist dream destination) to regroup quickly after the past few days in the mountains with the outreach SOS trip from laurier. the past few days, capped off with a final night out with the group, has left me zombie like today. but, i'll try to figure out what has happened.

these outreach trips brought up a surprising amount of skepticism with friends when i started talking about this job with SOS. people wondered why foreign students with no building experience were spending money to go down and do a job that a local could probably do better. i completely saw where they were coming from and agreed on some of the arguments, which left me nervous for what i'd find when i actually went on one of these trips. however, after a few days, i have (almost) nothing but positive things to say.

first. they're no party or picnic. the work was hard! and maybe harder than some of the trip participants thought they were signing on for. we had to dig the foundation of the school so that in the event of another earthquake hitting this community, our work won't be undone. fun part was discovering that the land we were building on was made up of a lot of really unbreakable rock that we had to chip away at, bit by bit for days. its almost finished. anyone who knows me, and my athletic abilities, can imagine how hilarious it would have been to watch me heave this giant metal pole up and down at a rock willing it to break. other tasks, like moving thousands of rocks from point a to point b, weren't any more physically relaxing.

another big concern was that this would be the worst example of development tourism i'd seen yet. again, happily surprised. the guys on the trip really impressed me with how thoughtful and aware they were of their role in the community. they didn't barge in waving answers and judgements about rural life. they made the best effort they could to interact with the community and to go above and beyond the building of the school with english classes, constructive and sustainable projects etc. don't know what kind of monsters i was bracing myself for but i didn't find them...

as for locals, and taking work they could do and benefit from. i think/hope i'll always be a skeptic on this one. but, i'm a more optimistic skeptic right now.

first and most simply, its a shit ton of work that extra hands certainly won't hurt. and, there is also the argument that its not like if the volunteers didn't come, that their $1500 would go to paying locals and the projects. it would probably just stay in canada, with them.

then, there is the lack of local availability. they may not be living the life of excessive luxury, but they certainly work hard each day. after the initial thrill of us being there wore off, the "crowds" (pretty small community) went away and people went back to their daily grind. i'm not sure that people had the spare time to come and put up a school...

there is of course also the learning that comes for both the volunteers coming in and the community that lives there. i hoep that this is an overarching positive learning experience for everyone. i hope that its true that our presence helps inspire people about a world they don't know exists (many have never left this really tiny mountain community). i hope that even though there are language barriers, business students from laurier are able to see alternative forms of knowledge and recognize the value in them. i think many did. listening to them describe the locals changed so dramatically over 5 days. but i guess only time will tell. time, revisits and of course, more spanish. i can't even begin to describe how badly i wish i was not only 200% fluent in spanish but was also from central america. interacting with a community that hasn't seen canadians before is tough to do. there is a lot of hesitation on both our parts and after these first few days, we were finally getting somewhere. then of course, i had to leave. storrryyy of my life.

that defense being said, i hope that peopel continue to challenge me. i've really valued those conversations so far.....

what else. i got to do a few community visits to potential and past SOS projects with our partner organizations. a few big (a high school for a region that doesn't have school past gr. 5 at this point) and a few small (bridges so that kids attending a school don't get washed away by a river or stuck at school/home when it rises). they all need to be explored more before we figure out if they're the right fits for all the players but, there are a lot of really excellent people weighing in on the development an execution of hte projects, so i'm excited to have those conversations.

annnd final thought on the trip. it was interesting looking at the perceptions that people come into these trips with.. about rural life... about where things might go with a school... and generally how people adapt to a really rural community (like, no water, electricity or cell reception rural). this group of volunteers came from really different backgrounds and views than i've been used to (didn't go through the global development studies conditioning) and how that changes responses and approaches from what i would do was cool - and at times frustrating and hilarious - to see. i can't help but realize how low a priority hand sanitizer is for me relative to others.

so. next game plan. tonight i continue to eat all the foods i've been missing... i think i've had my pizza and ice cream fill so its onto something new. food in the community was good but basic and a bit of variety today has been fun. then, a big sleep, and another big sleep on a giant bus ride down to costa rica. tomorrow night i seem to be checked into a nunnery (not my doing..) and then its off to namaldi, costa rica to meet up with another SOS trip that is wrapping up their second week, and then to FINALLY start work! its been pretty much a year of traveling for me as of this month (this time last year i was ending my adventure in east africa... crazy). i had no idea what i was going to do next week, let alone post backpacking or in the next year. i don't think i saw anything about the past year coming. the surprised and questioning faces of the guys on the laurier trip made me see just how much literal and figurative ground i've covered. it makes my head hurt.

the rural move

tonight i say goodbye to spanish verbs, shakira and cobblestone roads.

the laurier outreach trip is currently en route to managua and late tonight, we make a hilarious mountain drive to a village called ocalca to start building a school and vegetable garden for the community. yet another change of pace for me.

will be sad to leave matagalpa. the past 10 days have been calmer than usual for me. i haven't packed a bag or ran once. i think its been like 4 months since that last happened.

i'm hardly fluent at this point but, poco a poco. ive really enjoyed the lessons so far and today, understood a full story read outloud start to finish. when we did this last week and i was supposed to retell the story, i told a completely different one. my host family and i can actually have conversations as well. and, best of all, i can speak in more than one tense (mas o menos).

i'll be doing this rural learning thing for the next while. will be so nice to be removed from internet and life. i feel like a cop out traveler when i go on wifi at spanish school and like things on facebook.

sorry about a dull post. expecting a bit more excitement when i finish these building projects end of august.

shakira.

the past month has had a lot of travel in it and, especially because i'm totally surrounded in spanish, i find myself looking for any kind of similarity. somehow, the biggest constant in my life right now is......... shakira. who would have thought that waka waka would be the most familiar thing in my life.

i have yet to meet a kid that doesn't know all the moves and most of the lyrics to waka waka. i'm betting adults, myself included, don't let on to as much as they know.

right now i'm living in matagalpa, nicaragua where torrential downpours (3 today) compete with shakira (1 play today) in frequency.... its also the coffee capital of the country (hooray!). i'm trying desperately to learn spanish this week before my actual job in central america starts. so far, ive surprised myself with how much french i remember, and have surprised nicaraguans with my english/french/spanish accent. esta es muy curioso.

its frustrating as hell not speaking the language. i am staying with a grandmother and grand daughter and take spanish lessons all day so i'm pretty much entirely immersed. cool experience and what not... lots of learning... but really frustrating. i came down here with pretty generic knowledge of nicaraguan history and politics and already am being bombarded with new perspectives and details. it drives me nuts that i can't absorb more, and that classes haven't made me fluent overnight. thankfully there is an american girl who has been here twice now and can fill me in on what i'd miss out on otherwise. there are so many spanish lessons in my future..........

howweeevvver. poco a poco. managed to hold up (understand? not really contribute) a conversation about homosexuality in nicaragua which was pretty interesting, especially given how psychotically catholic this country is. still wish i could contribute more than basic statements about homosexuality and the gay pride week in toronto.

nice thing about being 95% surrounded in spanish is that i don't have the opportunity to rely on the translator. despite being a mute, i still get to (have to?) maintain a lot of independence. as much as i look forward to my days of having a woman work with me in part as a translator, having to figure this all out on my own is... an experience...?

anyway. this coming weekend my spanish days end when the laurier outreach trip gets to nicaragua. we move to a really small village to build a school... they'll be there for 2 weeks, i'll be there for a week before i move to meet up with another SOS trip in costa rica. excited for english conversation again but its really good to have such a huge challenge that i can focus all of my energy on.

oh, and an aside? nicaraguan food is fantastic. big staples include cheese, beans and coffee... and a bit of chocolate and cinnamon.

adios africa

i've wound up back in joburg for a few hours today before i fly (back up the continent) to senegal and over to canada. i'm hoping that i can somehow process the past 2 weeks and the next 2 months while i'm here, and take a bath.

i don't really know where to begin with buduburam. UNHCR has recently launched another resettlement/repatriation push that has created an environment very similar to when i got there the first time in 2008. nobody really knows what the future has in store, and everyone is hoping to leave. the usual feelings of limbo seem intensified and i exist somewhere within it all, trying to think in my long term that exists independent of liberia.

the feeding program continues to move along, and i move along in a roller coaster like way with it. much of the 2 weeks was spent alternating between being incredibly proud about what we've accomplished and are able to provide, and being incredibly frustrated that i haven't been able to do or see more. half the time i think that providing these staples is the best that i can do given that i am not part of the community and that i cannot create structural change on my own... other half, i wonder why i perpetuate ideas about foreigners coming in and giving out food and making themselves feel good (and terrible), and whether just giving out food makes any difference at all in the bigger picture. of course at the end of the day, the individual stories from families that struggle to eat each day remind me that of course its relevant and important... but, the roller coaster ride continues.

the school that the program operates out of continues to need love. the 8 months that the teachers were not paid for (before ETFL began paying them) made some pretty serious dents on the quality of education provided. i hoped that salaries would start to make small improvements, and i think they have, but there is a long road ahead. many teachers left and the new ones that replaced them are committed but under qualified. so. changing that is a new priority that i think the group of international volunteers are going to try to work with to the best of their abilities. i think the plan is to start by getting the basics into the school, namely the updated ghanaian curriculum. and paper. and anything to hang in the classrooms so they're not so bare (no kindergarten class should be without colour). then, provided a real effort comes from the teachers to show that they are committed to improvement, we begin exploring teacher training seminars from both within liberian, ghanaian and maybe international communities. its frustrating again because everyone is in such limbo and expects to leave but, based on how this panned out in 2008, i think we've still got a lot of time ahead of us in buduburam... i'll probably hang on until the bitter end.

i also spent a lot of time working with international volunteers keen to help etfl set up its second feeding program for a small group of kids. basically, 2 friends in camp have been supporting a group of 37 kids affected by HIV for the past 2 years. while its incredibly fortunate that the majority of them are not positive, the status of their parents makes for some pretty enormous hurdles in their lives. the 2 liberian friends have been caring for these kids with whatever money they can collect, and not only provide them with food but a social support system as well. we're still flushing out details so, more to come on this later. its very exciting though!

what else from ghana. lot of old friends still around, but slightly more grown up and full of relatively positive news. of course "its not easy" on camp and its always going to be hard to have days full of stories that leave me wondering how anything makes sense. as a devs student with post-modern thinking engrained in me, i've always tried to look at the camp as a part of the world where things are different, not weird. but honestly. life is quite simply messed up, and is maybe more confusing each time i enter that picture. its not a criticism of the people, beliefs, cultures or what have you, its quite simply that protracted refugee situations seem to be one of the most twisted and incomprehensible things ive managed to come across in my limited experience. an international volunteer who had traveled a lot in central america said that i might be disappointed (not the right word.. but i can't think of the appropriate one) there because while people are dealt pretty shitty hands, its nothing on this. i guess we'll see soon enough.

this month is my 12th month in 'africa'. does that make it an appropriate time to leave the continent for a while? either way. its back to canada tonight and then on to more adventures in central america for august/september. hooo-rah.

...ghana

its nice to have 'lindsay in ghana' as relevant again.

i made it back... finally. with more hatred for ghana immigration than ever before. but, more excitement and love for buduburam as well so, it balances out?

things are hectic and i don't think ive processed anything. so, here's a jumbled list of my thoughts about being back.

- being here makes sense. and feels really comfortable.

- i run a lot. and sweat a lot. and joburg is really cold. i feel like i'm this grimy and frantic whirlwind going around the camp while people tell me how cold it is.

- 1.5 weeks is no time at all. and i wish i was moving back here for longer

- it is really strange being here with other volunteers and i surprisingly miss being here alone. i really miss living on my own and having my own house rules.

- i really love watching other volunteers learn and explore (lame as that sounds). although i wish i could give them the coles notes to what i think of the place without influencing how they see it.

- prosper and eduardo are nutters in the same class at school. their teacher must hate them and their lives. they're really smart though and have even more rhymes to sing off to me.

- more old friends have come back to camp from liberia... which is excellent for me... unnerving for them and their country.

- there are a lot of babies that were born since i left 6 months ago, and i didn't know any of the women were pregnant. one named their kid lindsay. not sure how to handle it...

- i have a job coming up that i have to prep for and balance with this life that has immediately felt like i never left.

- the black stars made their return to accra today while i was celebrating the return of my passport with a ghana visa over a 2for1 pizza with AB. it was a less than enthusiastic return. i don't think everyone's hearts have mended from that defeat (actually).

- 'yeys' 'ohs' and 'aaaalriggh' are still in full force. and so are some excellent sense of humours and ways of stringing words together.

- i don't think i've slept in a long time. maybe thats why i can't figure anything out and feel like that even though i couldn't have more to talk about and more to be excited about, i can just barely get a blog post together.

better blog next time. whenever next time is. so much to do. so many people to see. so much spice that needs to be put in my body. and right now, so many buckets of cold water that need to be dumped on me.

oh and. the feeding program and hope foundation are doing really really well. i couldn't be more proud of what everyone has accomplished. time to grow?

hooray!

employed and planning

i've had a lot of quarter life crises in joburg. blame it on the aggressive cement topped with electric fences and other people who have a job and more purpose. its led to frantic job applications that feel like stabs in the dark and don't pan out.

a few weeks back in zambia a friend forwarded on yet another call for applications, but this time for an organization called students offering support based out of waterloo (www.studentsofferingsupport.ca). basically, the organization runs exam-prep classes at campuses around canada and the fee charged is put towards building school projects around south and central america.

they were looking for a director of international outreach to help run their building projects in the field and help co-ordinate volunteers and university chapters around canada, and then some more. they've been wickedly successful with the exam prep courses and are now pulling in more money than they know what to do with so... they need help spending it. i read this job description on a public computer thinking man, that would be cool but i haven't got anything to apply. then, walking home i realized i'd been lugging my damn laptop around and that i had a few hours to go back to the internet cafe and try my luck against 130+ other candidates.

after an intense interview process that i was more anxious and excited about than i think even i knew, i found out earlier this week that i got the job! i haven't been far from cloud nine since. i continue to find myself breaking out into random uncontrollable smiles despite being very much lost somewhere in joburg suburbs (stamps are a VERY difficult thing to locate and have now accounted for almost 5 hours of lost walking... although maybe thats the result of a poor but overly confident sense of direction on my part).

so. now i re-group, again, and make new plans for a very long time given how the past year has gone. i'm still going to ghana because i've invested so much money in a hellish process. i'll be there until the middle of july with the new volunteers before i fly all the way back to south africa only to turn around to fly all the way up to senegal and then, across and HOME for the 19th of july! go figure. home for 2ish weeks to get sorted with SOS in waterloo and then, south america for 3ish months!

i'm obviously pretty stoked about south america. never been before and am really keen to take spanish beyond random descriptions of pirates and teddy bears (thank you stu and SPAN010 for those helpful skills). i'll be going around with some of SOS's volunteer outreach trips and figuring out how they work for a few weeks and then, when they all go back home, i stay on conducting needs assessments and figuring out where schools can be built and maintained! i'm the first person to really take on this role so think there is a lot that i could do with it. greg seems keen to trust me and my judgement, so i suppose this will be a very good test of what i think i know.

in the job interview, i was asked if this was my dream job. it kind of is. i was anticipating YEARS of bitch work filing papers for interesting organizations before i could actually move onto a job that i was excited about! nice change of plans.

now, for the most long-term plan ever. for the next YEAR i'll be based in waterloo working with SOS. there will likely be return trips to south/central america throughout the year but, much to my mom's delight, it looks like KW will once again be my home base. i think i've had enough time away to actually get excited about going back to friends and family. i certainly needed 4 years of uni and a year of traveling to get to this point but, this all feels right.

and, this by no means spells the end of ETFL. it wasn't ever a project i seriously thought about pursuing as a full time career. i don't think my model really works for that. it will continue to be a project - that i need help with - and being based in kitchener will make that much easier... so there we go. a year(+) of my life planned.

i don't think i've ever said go figure as much as i have this week. partly from this job, partly because i'm currently watching michaels new cleaning lady, nelly, iron cotton tshirts and socks. she is nothing if not thorough. she'd have a field day in my room of crumpled cotton things that have been "packed" in anticipation of ghana for 2 weeks now.

a click for $10 000

so, dan safayeni just nominated me as someone who 'makes canada great' in MS Office's competition. we BADLY need you to 'like us' (the little liberia story) on this link:

http://www.makecanadagreat.ca/Gallery-All.aspx

with enough votes, we get entered to win $10 000, which would be huge for us. a few weeks ago we passed our $20 000 fundraised mark. this prize would take care of a year's worth of work. with one click. from you. sooooo. go here:

http://www.makecanadagreat.ca/Gallery-All.aspx

click that you like me. little liberia: lindsay's initiative. GO DO IT NOW!

we only have one day to get as many votes as possible. closes the night of tuesday june 22.

get going. hurry up. quit wasting time reading my blog. i'm really not that interesting when up against $10 000.